I am guilty of animal abandonment. I was young, stupid. I took on one dog, because I am a sucker for animals (Believe me on this, I really do love them). The guardians were moving, and couldn’t/didn’t want to take him with them. So, I brought him home.

He was the most loyal dog I have ever met. He never went further than 20 ft from me, on or off leash. When I slept, he slept right next to me. When I ran to the store, he came with me. I went swimming, so did he. What I ate, he ate.

Then it happens. I was in the military. I was being ordered overseas, and the family could not travel with me. They were going to move back to our hometown, for support. We tried, and tried, but couldn’t find a place back home that allowed pets from across the country.

So, heart breakingly, we decided, we needed to give him to someone else. I first spent a month looking for a friend to take him. No dice. Then I spent a month and a half, searching for a shelter with an open spot for a 100 mile radius. Nothing.

I couldn’t take him to the on-post shelter. It was PCS season (It’s when everyone is in turmoil with moving). It was a certain death for him. In 5 days after getting there, he would be destroyed. And he wasn’t the cutest dog, or even the “coolest” dog; but man, was he a great dog.

I thought I was doing the right thing. I took him to a rural area, with little traffic, and lots of little animals. And I had him get out of the car. He was confused. I didn’t have my hiking gear, or my rucksack in the car. Whenever we went out there, that’s what I had with me.

I had him get out of the car. I gave him a big hug, cried. He knew I was sad, he starting giving me giant kisses. Even as I was abandoning him, he was still loyal as ever. I told him,”You stand the best chances out here”, and I think I was trying to convince myself more than anything.

I got back in the car, and he jumped at the door. He was confused even more. “Why didn’t he open the door for me?” I could read in his eyes.

While not trying to look back I drove off. Rural road, so I floored it. Once I got about 5 miles away, I stopped and cried. I know, everyone reading this is saying,”Stop trying to make us feel sorry for you!!! You are a cruel person!” I’m not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, but for him.

30 minutes later, I finished the drive home. I felt like I had cut off my arm. My wife could even tell how I felt, but I couldn’t really vent to her about it either. Why? She thought he was going to a shelter.

I still don’t have the heart to tell her what I did. But I tried to do the right thing. I thought I did the right thing. I thought,”Well, a dog is about as close to a wolf as you get. They’ll remember their instincts,” and “At least he has a fighting chance out there.” That was 6 years ago. I’ve learned more about it. I know it was probably the worst thing to do. They don’t re-learn instincts. A better thing would have been the on-post shelter.

I’ve gotten a bit wiser since then, and I cry every time I think about him. Once I came back from overseas, everyday I would drive around the area I dropped him off. Thinking I might find him and bring him home. But, I never found him. Hopefully, some nice person or family found him. But, I also know that he could have died in a vehicle accident, or became a bait dog. I betrayed the highest trust every bestowed to us by our creator: To be the guardian of our companion animals entrusted to us.

Native American’s have a piece in their belief system, that when one dies, they are judged by the animals they’ve encountered. I hope that is true. I hope he finally gets a chance to judge me. I hope he gets to tell me if my reasoning was wrong, and tell me of the hardship and pain I caused him. But, I hope, he also looks at the new animals in my life, and my new respect for them.

I own another dog now, who I adopted from a shelter. I hope that by saving her, I somehow made amends for what I did to him. Maybe she’ll be sitting next him, and pleading for me. How now, I take her to monthly vet visits. I brush her, and spoil her constantly. How stayed up late at night with her while she was recovering from leg surgery. How, I picked out the dog no one wanted at the shelter, saving her on her last day before she would go to the white room.

I guess I am trying to make up what I did to him with her, even though I know it will never be. Hopefully, this will do some justice, and maybe help convince others who feel they only have “this one route” to go will consider this: Animals are the most loyal of all your friends. And, animals abandoned are not being given a “fighting chance.” You are almost guaranteeing them to suffering for the remainder of their days.

Again, I can only hope.

Your spouse might leave you. You kids might disown you. Your dog will do neither. You owe him or her at least that much.

I guess I rambled on long enough. It doesn’t make me feel better, but maybe he will judge me a little less harshly when the time comes.

Anonymous

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